Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
