It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
