Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
