The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
