I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
