They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
