discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
