I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize