WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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