he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
