Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
