The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
