Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize