bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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