When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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