BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
