I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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