I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
