i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
