Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
