the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
