we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
