I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
