She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
