It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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