I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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