I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
