Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
