it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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