His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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