Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
