So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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