I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
