I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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