So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
