you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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