the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
