I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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