phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
