btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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