census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
