He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
