If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
