Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
