i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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