she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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