We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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