her vagine was all disorganized.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
