I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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