dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
