i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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