Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
