elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
