just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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