I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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