Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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