it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
