He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
