jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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