i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize