He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize