And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A bitchslap is in order.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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