Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
