actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize