we made out on top of his cat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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