Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize