1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
