First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
