I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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