And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
