So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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