how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
