Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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