been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i drank out of a bidet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The adults are the big ones right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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