Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
