Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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